22nd. Stroke

Today I have used a very dark blue. This color represents my worst times. The times when I'm feeling helpless and hopeless. I was reading something earlier today in a book about Bruce Lee and he was talking about water and it's adaptability. He was saying "when punched, it does not bruise ~when stabbed, it does not get cut ~it is so soft you can't even hold it in your hand ~yet if it wants it is unstoppable" He was talking about this for fighting purposes. I started thinking about the possibility of making my reactions to these awful and destructive feelings adaptable like water as apposed to coming up with one strategy that might work half the time. After all wouldn't this be a self defense that defends your true self.

21st. Stroke

"My emotions are faster than my thoughts". This is what I have been told. I have discussed many strategies and read about many more. The things I have learned for sure are that there's to many factors involved for me to find one that works so I will either have to learn them all or give up. This is why I believe the only real way for me to handle this is to completely change the way I see things. Without that it will always be an illusion that the problem solved. The crimson stroke for today represents the way my emotions can surround and dominate any thoughts.

20th. Stroke

All I have to offer the world is the way words weave together in my mind. With a spectrum of color intertwined. Needing to escape the oppressive grays of negative perception and beam like a prism in every direction. ~Joshua Cairns (Today's color is magenta)

19th. Stroke

I had a mixed day so I mixed blue and silver which represented being down earlier but then in the end feeling pretty good after having a good conversation with someone who was patient with me and then helped me see things from a better perspective. Thank you -Josh

18th . Stroke

Today the brush was going one way and I changed my mind gave it a little pressure and redirected. For the most part the the brush strokes have been more self guiding. I've also noticed myself getting overly exited lately about different ideas. I have a pattern of doing this. The next thing I know I exert all my energy and get down on myself for not reaching some unattainable goal. I don't think that I need to deny myself the excitement. I just think like with the brush I need to be in control enough to redirect when necessary and how to recognize when that is. Today's color is phthalocyanine blue and I just felt like using it today because I liked the way it looked. Thank you. -Josh

17th. Stroke

The power cut out on me today just as my brush was touching down. You could say it was a stroke of luck. The color I used is called phthalocyanine green. This color has a sparkly quality to it which I thought was cool considering the chain of events around it reaching the canvas. It doesn't even look that bad where it continued off the canvas onto my wall. It proves to me that no matter how much planning one does anything can happen. And that the end result can sometimes be better than the originally desired outcome. -Josh

16th. Stroke

Today's color yellow was chosen by request. It makes me feel good when people want to participate. I like the effect this stroke had over the darker ones. I know I sound pretty positive in my blogs but what you might not realize it's for that reason I have one. It gives me a way of getting out what I need to hear. Today has not been the best day for me but I will get over it. I need to go outside now and breath in some air and appreciate my surroundings. -Josh

15th. Stroke

Over the last year I have been trying various new things. This project is a big step for me in that way. I keep discovering things I never knew I liked and getting to know myself better everyday. The truth is so many people (including myself) get concerned with other people's opinions and don't just try things, that they miss out on so much in life. The fact of the matter is that it doesn't matter to those who actually matter. Today's color burnt sienna was suggested by someone who is always around to talk and remind me to breath. Thank you. -Josh

14th. Stroke

Today's color is gold. It is hard to see from my photo but in the actual painting it glistens. For now you will have to take my word for it. Trust is one of my major issues. If you told me to take your word for something I would question it even more. What I am really going through is fear. Am I really going to give my mind over to somebody so they can paint a picture for me to look at like a blue print so I can get better. How do I know they won't make a mistake and it won't just come crashing down? How do I know what their motives are? I don't. Today's color is gold and it glistens. -Josh

13th. Stroke

‎ Lucky number 13. Some like this number and some don't. I guess anything can be given different meaning or power which can represent the whole scale from good to evil, to protect or cause harm, just like this number. What I have done is given it a color and that color is orange. -Josh

12th. Stroke

Today's color is bright aqua green. I thought it would look nice slicing through the dark green and the blue.I tried a experiment today that had a nice result. I told myself that I was going to get ten people to smile today and keep track. By doing this I figured it would constantly keep me in the moment and thinking of something positive. Well I would have been wrong. It kept me in the moment but I choose my number way to low. It is amazing how positive things are if you choose to see them. -Josh

11th. Stroke

‎ I went with a darker purple today per request. Feel free to make requests at any time. The majority color that day will get it. Let me know how you think it's shaping up.

10th. Stroke

I choose the gray for today's stroke because I thought it would look cool with yesterday's green. I painted right through the green because I could and that felt good. I've always found gray to be a color used in association with blending in (not standing out). Sometimes when you blend it is easier to go through things. Like a ghost, another word associated with gray.

9th. Stroke

Today was a good day. I accomplished allot today and that makes me feel prepared for taking on another week. I had some great visits this weekend that made me happy but at the same time made me miss those people even more. I would have to say my mood is neutral if that can be a mood. Well for today it is and to me it looked like light green.

8th. Stoke

Even though I already know this it catches me off guard every time. When I'm waiting for something I am excited about it takes for ever to happen and then as soon as it happens it seems like it's over. Today I used yellow oxide. I had a exciting day but tonight I am feeling a little depressed. I feel like this color goes with any of the others so I found it appropriate. -Josh

7th. Stroke

Today I went with burnt orange because I feel burnt out from this past week and I thought we could use a little orange in our picture. That is all I got for today. As always I invite you to comment on picture or anything else that's on your mind.

6th. Stroke

Today was a good day so I decided to go with the color yellow. One of the things I'm working on is being more in control of my moods on the not so good days. I was reading a girls blog earlier and she had a cool idea. What she does each day is writes down three positive thoughts. She writes them on her blog but anyone could take a couple minutes and just write them on some paper. It doesn't even have to be about you. Any three positive thoughts. You here people say "if you tell yourself something enough times you'll believe it". Why not make that statement true and start having more good days? I'm going to try it. I would be interested in knowing about other methods that are working for other people. Thank you -Josh

5th. Stroke

5th Stroke 7/14/2010 (360 to go)
I think purple is a good color to represent the middle ground between the manic red and depressed blue. Someone who has helped me with real useful ideas and guidance towards attaining my goal of not being up and down all the time suggested it to me.