Saturday, January 15, 2011


Thank you for stopping by to see my 146th. stroke. I like it allot and hope you do also. I've had some confusion lately in my life and this painting has been here as a place to check in. I lived for over a year in a psychiatric community. I have been diagnosed w/bipolar, PTSD, attention disorder and borderline personality disorder. I have also been in the hospital three times in just over a year. Once because they thought I was suicidal, once because they stopped my Depokote all at once from 2500mg. to 0mg. As you can imagine I was losing reality a bit. So the cops showed up three days after when I was scared of everything and so I tried to outrun them. One of them tackled me and then rammed me off the car a few times before he put me in it. As you can imagine my paranoid thoughts are seeming more real by the minute. I sat there until the ambulance came. I stayed for two weeks. I was scared of the hospital because I had a bad experience at the last one and I was there over three months. This new one was completely different. Then after two more months back at the community they planned a med change so they decided it would be smoother in the hospital. After two weeks of things going smoothly at the hospital some of the people from where I lived came in for a meeting and told me I wasn't welcome back. So I'm in and out of thoughts about a place that exists to help people unless they really need help. That's all I needed. Now I guess I was to fucked up or I didn't have enough money. I don't know how the Dr. helps 35 people by talking to them 15min. every other week. Anyway I hope you like the stroke. -Josh


  1. Hi Josh! So sorry to hear you've had these problems. It's important to have a place where you feel safe and maybe your painting is that place. It is indeed hard to stay on meds, and I know many people who have just stopped cold turkey like that. It's a frightening experience. You said that you suffered from PTSDs. Ask your doctor about a wonderful treatment called Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing or EMDR. It works very well with victims of trauma.

    I know you feel alone, but you're not. Just keep on keepin' on with your painting. You'll feel like you accomplished something, and its beauty will help you through the hard parts. Take care, Heather

  2. Hi, Josh! I've got nothing more to say but to agree with Heather. Take care!

  3. thank you for your openness and sharing all of this. you know what i think and i have been real proud of your work since you have come home and moved on. i know that you are on to a new experience and do believe that you and i are going to grow more connected as time goes on now that we are around each other more. i love you big brother, you rock. and what is next for dinner next week?